Light and Blockades - Part 2

I want to check in with you about your work on the Adverse Childhood Experiences and Adult Attachment Interview tools.  What did you discover about fortified blockages and LIGHT?  Would love to hear about your relational archeological exploration into your past.

LIGHT (an experience of living in communion with Jesus) is a benevolent friend.  It’s said of Jesus by John that he is “full of grace and truth.”  These two ideas can create a bit of conflict inside of me.  For instance, I want a mega-load of GRACE because I’m horribly afraid of abandonment (if your could see my Adverse Childhood Experiences and Adult Attachment Interview this would make mucho sense!).  My early learning environment did not provide adequate security or safety so my foundational neuronal networks were structured around “fear” and “abandonment.”  So anxiety has been my constant companion (until recently).  When I experienced TRUTH in childhood I would get hurt, always emotionally and sometimes physically.  The TRUTH I feared was from the parental environment.  I did not know at the time that it was not exactly accurate.  So I brought this fear of TRUTH into my relationship with Jesus. 

I don’t know if you can relate to my experience.  Either way most of us have learned that an encounter with TRUTH often hurts, damages us somehow.  Maybe it’s not TRUTH but the way we are confronted with the truth that hurts us so badly.  The word “confrontation” often activates our fight-flight network in the brain and we go on high-alert preparing to protect ourselves . . . from the TRUTH.

Given the above assumptions we are rarely eager to be confronted with TRUTH.  This is a sad thing because we so desperately need LIGHT on our fortified blockades, but our past experiences hinder us from pursuing the LIGHT, from pursuing the TRUTH about ourselves.

When Jesus shared TRUTH with many broken and wounded people they appeared to be able to receive it without fear of abandonment.  I’m thinking of John 4 and the Samaritan woman.  The woman tells Jesus she has no husband (TRUTH) and Jesus says, “for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.”  If I had been the woman I would have run and hid because of such an exposure of my disintegrated self.  But . . . she did not run or hide but continued a dialogue with Jesus.  This is HUGE, MAMMOTH, and GARGANTUAN!!!!!!  The presence and person of Jesus communicated TRUTH saturated in GRACE.  And the woman who had, had five husbands felt safe and secure in his presence.  I want to know this JESUS more intimately.  I believe this JESUS can teach me the way of integrating living.

What blocks us from joyfully wanting to pursue the LIGHT and TRUTH?  Why is it so hard to take in the experience the Samaritan woman had with Jesus?  Why does TRUTH scare us so badly?  We will explore that in my next blog.  Thanks for reading and responding to my ideas!  We are creating our own TRIBE!  Woo! Hoo!